Now if you haven’t figured it out, I hate J.J. Abrams. I don’t know why I hate him so much, just that I do. I’ve never enjoyed any of his TV shows or his movies. Let’s have a look at some of them.
Felicity, a show about a female university student who has awkward relationships and other girlie stuff. That really sounds like the kind of show you would expect from a male nerd.
Alias, a show about a “sexy” spy living undercover as a university student, I put sexy in quotes because to call Jennifer Garner sexy is like calling a “Chicko roll and a XXXX” a “slice of Wagu and a glass of Grange Hermitage”. I’m not saying she’s completely hideous but for the love of god, visible ribs are just not sexy. I stopped watching Alias when during the first episode she walks into the fake blood donation van and arrogantly tells the CIA agent that he needs her because only she can give him information about some other agency. She then proceeds to show what she knows by drawing a pissy little diagram of how she understands the organisation operates. The CIA agent then shows her a proper diagram that takes up a piece of paper like 1.5m2 in size, with really tiny font.
Lost, well now we get complicated. I will admit that I watched the first season and the start of the second. I could have edited it down to 5 minutes an episode watched them in one sitting and still have gotten everything I got from the full hour long episodes. And no, I didn’t stop watching because it got too complicated for me, I stopped watching it because it just felt like work instead of entertainment. I would go so far as to say that the closest parallel to the other 55 minutes would be the hour long Youth & Society lectures at 9am on a Friday morning I had last semester.
Mission: Impossible 3, I haven’t seen it yet and I don’t want to, because it stars Tom Cruise and it’s a second sequel to a mediocre movie, the first sequel of which is even more mediocre. But with these facts in place, I can safely assume M:I3 is less a movie and more a kick in the head with a bag of shite on the side.
With these as a guideline I going to extrapolate what this new city destroying monster is. A 300 foot high robot, resembling Tom Cruise, built by a group of hippies in the 70s with a purpose that is difficult to determine. The hippies of course are actually agents of a nondescript, possibly malevolent, covert agency. The robot is rampaging through New York because it’s currently in the middle of an awkward relationship.
Coming Soon: Part 3, The future mistakes.
